Guys Just Don't Understand

Bob and his wife Rachel were sleeping one late night in the middle of the winter. Rachel woke up at two o'clock in the morning with a craving for sweet potato pie. Obviously, this woman is pregnant but more importantly she is out of her mind. Bob woke up and decided it is best not to ask questions but instead fetch her midnight snack. When he got back to his wife with the pie, she decided that pie would make her fat and instead she wanted non-fat yogurt and jello. He submissively got her desires but again she changed her mind and had a new appetite for Chicken Parmesan. As he drove in his car listening to Lil Wayne, he wanted to concoct a plan so no matter what Rachel demanded he would have it. Of course when he returned home she wanted something knew but this time Bob was ready. He gave her his credit card and a yellow book filled with all the stores' phone numbers. However, now Rachel decided to just fall asleep.

Twilight Zone: PART II: The Unreal

With my book bag on my bag, I was heading home from school and I saw a sight that most people cannot even imagine. There was a bear and a humongous anaconda eating out of a dumpster. I attempted to slowly move past the creatures because my house was right across the street. I just reached the block and was safe from danger when I stepped on a bag of chips but this didn't startle the animals. However I immediately stepped on a rake that knocked me back across the street in front of the huge animals. I decided to outrun the animals and call animal control but when the van pulled up, two large talking tigers dressed in uniforms and asked what was the problem. I was so shocked that I just decided to go home and take a long nap.

The Perfect Bathroom

A bathroom can become a magnificent piece of art with just a few miner changes. First, the toilet has to be solid gold with diamonds all around the seat. Also, the curtains should be painted by a famous artist specifically for the owners of the bathroom. Instead of water coming out of the shower, soda or juice should come out of it and food should be served during the shower. The sink should be made from magnificent sequoia trees and the floor should be made from functioning televisions protected by a glass screen. Most importantly, there should be a robot which performs your every need such as applying your hair conditioner and fetching your bathrobe. These conditions may be hazardous to our health but technology is a powerful thing.

Twilight Zone

I awake in a daze in the middle of an alley that was pitch black with only the light from a streetlamp. I was in despair and afraid for my life . I saw a group of men come up to me and I thought two things: these people are going to massively destroy my figure or they are merely passing on their nightly jog. I was completely wrong but I wish I wasn't. The five guys who were surprisingly well dressed surrounded me and as soon as I rose from the ground they began to dance. Almost as if it was a musical, they were singing, spinning and twirling but I couldn't understand why. I attempted to figure out why they were executing to perfection fantastic and acrobatic moves but they wouldn't let me speak a word. They just continued to dance and suddenly they stopped and walked away as if nothing had occurred but I know for sure that it wasn't a dream .......or was it?

Smooth

Joe went to his middle school Halloween dance on Friday night. He knew that this could be a great memory for him and his friends but he was a bit nervous when he got around girls. Even thinking about speaking to a girl, he began to shake and foam at the mouth. After wiping his mouth, he realized that the dance hall was two blocks away and he began to feel sick. He knew he would eventually have to speak to girls but he didn't want to seem foolish and ridiculous in front of the girls and especially his macho friends. However, when he got to the party he saw to gangs facing each other with one gang being all the boys and the other being the girls. He was relieved but instead of just standing with the guys he went over and asked a girl to dance. She said yes and in his mind he could only think ,"Oh man! I forgot that I don't know how to dance."

Cinderella Rays

The World Series in baseball is so close I can touch it. The baseball playoffs started about three weeks ago and it has shocked the world from the beginning. The best records in baseball belonged to the Cubs and the Angels but both teams were eliminated as soon as you blinked. Then the story turned to the seemingly dominant Red Sox team and powerful Dodgers team that were destined to play in the finals. Manny Ramirez would attempt to dethrown his former Red Sox team by blasting homerubn after homerun but would ason Bay prove his value by taking his team all the way to the end. Now everyone is glued to their seats as the young Rays team has come up from the worst record in baseball to the Cinderella story. They are one game from eliminating the Red Sox and becoming the favorite in the World Series. I guess Disney dreams are possible.

LiL Wayne's The President

I want to ask everyone to please stop calling Lil Wayne a bad rap artist. He is a lyrical genius and his flow is both articulate and creative. His rhymes are perfectly executed and his album, The Carter 3, has sold about one million records in the first week. Mr. Carter understands what it takes to be an imaginative artist and respects the abilities of others as he says in his song, Mr.Carter, "when you mention Biggie, Pac and Jay-Z don't forget Weezy baby." He may seem extremely confident but all rappers are cocky at times in their lyrics. His lyrics are carefully planned out and although You may not be fond of him, others like his songs and everyone has equal right to have their own opinion.